| | In Memorandum of a Massacre: Today a Year Ago
Today is April 16th. Perhaps this has just been a normal day for most of my xanga-world, but it certainly has been an extremely somber one for my community. Today is the one year anniversary of the horrifying massacre that occurred at Virginia Tech, a campus adjacent to my own. Today a year ago, 33 people perished, including the crazed gunman. Today a year ago I sat terrified in a windowless conference room because I could not get a hold of Andrew and his little sister and my dearest friend, Suzanne. Today a year ago I contemplated what my life would be like if Andrew was indeed dead. Today a year ago I had to surrender a marriage that had not even embarked in engagement, and a dear friendship that had not even had the chance to blossom.
What little sacrifice of my own.
Today a year ago 32 people lost the chance to see another spring day, to walk the aisle at their graduations, to tie the knot with their beloved someones, to hear the laughter of their dear friends, to feel the embrace of their parents, or land that first killer job in another state. Many of them were international students, some even the same Korean nationality as the shooter. So many countries affected, so many lives senselessly cut short. At least in our time lines. Obviously, God knew the span of their lives, but it is so hard to wrap my mind around a Divine Plan that included such bloodshed and terror, not just for them, but for our whole community.
And I feel so guilty.
Today a year ago I stood washed in the waters of supreme relief as I finally received a text message from Andrew, two hours after initially trying to contact him, simply saying, "I'm fine. Don't know about Suzanne. Please keep praying." Though he was, and had been, trapped in his building, at least he was alive. Today a year ago, after 5 hours of searching, I received a frenzied email from Suzanne, hurriedly confirming her precious life had been spared, though the shootings had begun in her dorm, and betraying her incredible fear as she and her roommate lay huddled in their room, not even knowing the shooter had been dead for hours by then. Today a year ago Andrew and I evacuated little Suzanne, passing by the surreal presence of the Today Show, NBC, CBS, FOX, and various other news channels' trucks and vans. You know something horrible has happened when Matt Lauer broadcasts live from your hometown.
I always thought I lived in a safe place.
But now these victims haunt our minds. If you have any sort of compassion, please look at their faces. I wanted to post them, though these are not all of them, to give them voice on my site:
While you look at them, do pray for dear Suzanne. One of these faces was a friend of hers, a strong believer, but nonetheless sorely grieved. Suz is still having a hard time learning how to grieve.
This comic was released shortly after the massacre, and I found it quite touching:
Now, a memorial has been built near the building where most of the deaths occurred. There is a stone and candle representing each of the victims, with their names and life spans. It's quite beautiful:
Today a year ago I surrendered and God gave it back. Nonetheless, I now know that life can never be tenaciously clung to. Daily I must surrender the lives of my loved ones and friends--after all, I came so close to losing them....
....A Year Ago Today. |
